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Delhi Wine Club

Posted: Tuesday, October 06 2009. 11:00

Blog: Treat Wine like Sex (A)

A chance look recently at the Kingfisher Bohemia wine ad slogan, ‘Skip the Rituals. Drop the Ceremony’ seemed to me like a modern day sexologist urging you  to forget the foreplay and go straight for the carnal knowledge with no post coital rituals either.

This is like telling a gourmet to forget the antipasti and the primo piatto and to just go for the secondo piatto (the main course) and the dolce be damned.In other words, wham, bang, thank you ma’am, or wham-bam-thank you-Sam for women.

From the producers of Kingfisher beer and McDowell whisky, treating wine like McDonald is not surprising, even though serious wine lovers may suspect shades of disdain in the eyes of the marketing people who are used to selling beer and started marketing their McWine only last year.

Wine to a wine-connoisseur (we are not talking of snobs or sommeliers- only the discerning those who love their red or white wine, sparkling or rosé,  irrespective of the caste, sex or creed) means going through some routine ceremony for better enjoyment. Looking at the colour in the glass is like appreciating the woman’s curves or the man’s six-pack. Smelling (nosing the wine) is as important for both the genders and the colours of wine. There might be a related reason why women spend over $25 billion buying perfumes every year. Swirling and sniffing is a similar part of the foreplay for a fine wine drinker.

Of course, the main course is the best part of a meal, the wine-glass or the sex. Here too, the slower you are at it the more you enjoy-assuming the comparable qualities between our subjects are fine (good quality). You would roll every sip of the wine in your mouth like you would… (you’ve got the gist, I am sure).

You don’t need to read Kama sutra to understand that good sex needs a good amount of gentle after-play (oops-I forgot; I hope the readers are over 18, or above 25 if they are Indian). The beauty of a fine wine is also in its after-taste, how complex and how long it stays in the brain through the mouth, after the sip is over.

A good lover-of wine or otherwise understands that the rituals are a part of the enjoyment, for a complete experience. We are talking of the people who love to eat well- whether it is a steak, sikandari raan, rack of lamb, chicken tandoori, a red snapper or even shahi korma, gucchhi mattar or a mushroom risotto. We are not talking of the people who love to go out with their husband, girl-friend or a lady friend to McDonald’s for dinner.

To the later category, the dictum applies very well-for wine tool. It also should be ok for people who believe in McSex. For this category the Kingfisher Bohemia is perhaps a good choice. No need for foreplay, an ordinary weak wine-but good bang for the buck- ‘imported’ maal for Rs. 670 in Delhi!), don’t look for aftertaste- there is none, it is a simple wine, after all.

And in case you are not hung up on the imported chaap just for the heck of it, many of our Indian beauties from Sula, Grover, Vintage’s Reveilo, Chateau d’Ori, Terroir, York and Mercury’s Aryaa, Zampa etc.are all laps ahead in the race and they cost less too!

It is not that UB group which owns Kingfisher and McDonald-oops, McDowell, does not have good wines in its stable (pun intended- Mr. Vijay Mallya). Try their Bouchard Burgundy, or 10 Chapters-from the same country of origin- South Africa. You may even enjoy sex better after two glasses of Shiraz. I am sure one day UB will be a Force India to reckon with- and not only in Formula 1.

But if you really love Kingfisher-try their beer; I am told the popular ‘Premier’ is really good. And as my driver tells me, the ‘Strong’-with almost twice the alcohol, is great value for money (big bang for the buck-if you will).

Oh, in case you have not heard so far and are confused-Kingfisher Bohemia is not beer or whisky, but the latest arrival from South Africa- their entry level wine for which you may Skip the Rituals, Drop the Ceremony. So no formalities, no fuss; next time your guests drop in- just ask them-Premium, Strong or Bohemia?

Subhash Arora

Our advice is Treat wine like sex- drink two glasses of any fine wine a day and/ or have sex twice a day, for as long as you can carry on- they are good for health; but be warned that this is our editorial opinion unsubstantiated by any scientific studies most of which seem to concentrate and concur on the good health effects of the former. And please be careful about the legal age-we don’t want to run foul with the law on either score-editor 



Dr. Tedd M. Goldfinger Says:

I love this analogy! Another way to look at wine as an enhancement to the human experience. Also one should note that couples with a healthy physical relationship have less cardiovascular disease, as do moderate and responsible wine consumers. Another explanation for the French Paradox! And to that point.....The Renaud Society, and international fraternity of physicians with an interest in better health and a passion for wine ( has recently awarded Skylite Cellars 2006 Reserve (Walla Walla, WA USA) with the coveted Renaud Tastevin at its recent competition in July. This is a very sexy wine!

Posted @ October 08, 2009 11:45


Subhash Arora Says:

Thank you Dr. Gandhi. Coming from a doctor, the remarks give more body, fruit and balance to wine drinking-not to mention better ageability. Subhash Arora

Posted @ October 07, 2009 12:32


Subhash Arora Says:


I couldn't agree with you more. But I am not talking about the tastings which do have a limitation but play a different and important role. I do however believe that people should learn to taste the wine when they sip and develop a good palate. Wine has several characteristics that need to be understood and enjoyed-the nosing and after-taste being more important features, for which you may need to undergo small ceremony and ritual. A cheap wine like the one in question has neither-and hence none is suggested by the ad. I have also not broached on the subject of the drinkability of wine with food. After being at more than a dozen international competitions as a judge and having tasted over 10,000 wines during the last few years, the biggest limitation is that wine should enhance food flavours and that may not always be possible at these tastings. But I concur with you in my basic definition of a good wine- a glass when finished should beckon another... and when the bottle is finished, one should wonder whether to open another (moderate drinking tenet should make us think about that, nes pas!). And of course, life is too short to waste on cheap wine. Against many producers' wishes, I advocate to drink less- but drink fine! And enjoy it like you'd wish to enjoy good sex!! And congratulations for winning all those medals. Keep on winning! One day I might be able to taste AND drink all the Mushal medal winning wines too- all at the same time!!
Cheers, Subhash

Posted @ October 07, 2009 11:39


Avtar Singh Sandhu Says:

After having won our fifth award at the Sonoma County Harvest Fair, a Silver Medal and more than 31 years growing grapes and occasionally producing wine. I can onle partly agree with your 'Freudian' concept, my main point of disagreement is that the so called tasters of wine and ones who rate wine,have "Foreplay" and no sex,,,, sex gives wine's full enjoyment and it is this joy of drinking that gives pleasure......SNIFF AND SPIT! Is in my belief not giving the wines their rightful place. A wine must prove itself to be 'drinkable'. After the first glass you want to have a second! It is only than, one can rate a wine as good....there are no bad wines only indifferent ones! Unless the wine is spoiled and has become aldehydic and it will give you a headache. This is the condition of many wines that I have tasted at weddings and some restaurants....Good wine that is imbibed in moderation does not give a headache...even a Cabernet Sauvignon.

Posted @ October 07, 2009 11:32



Well, wine is fine if it is taken at right time for the right purpose

Posted @ October 07, 2009 11:30


Kulpreet Yadav Says:

Very brave write up! Enjoyed reading it. I am sure you will able to save yourself from the impact. Any problems: I have muscles saved exactly this kind of adventures. LOL! :)) DelWine sure is getting more adventurous. Kulpreet Yadav

Posted @ October 07, 2009 10:51


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